Kentucky Counseling Center | Friendship Over: How to Cut Off a Toxic Friend

Published on: September 16, 2021
Updated on: September 16, 2025
Author: Kentucky Counseling Center

Friendship can be one of life’s greatest gifts. It’s wonderful to enjoy your journey with people who share similar values and interests. Without friends, many of our experiences would feel less meaningful. A strong friendship offers peace of mind, comfort, and genuine happiness.

According to a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (2022), having supportive friends can significantly boost your emotional well-being and resilience. A friend is someone you lean on during challenging times—someone who knows you inside and out, from the good moments to the bad.

Today, social media has also expanded our circle of potential friendships. However, while you might gather superficial connections online, truly building trust with new friends often takes more time and effort. Remember, authentic friendships are valuable and can be rare in our modern world.

Yet, sometimes even the closest bonds can turn sour. How do you know if a friendship is toxic, and how do you go about cutting off a toxic friend? Read on to learn more.

Signs of a Good Friendship

We come across new people throughout our lives. Some remain acquaintances, while others become lifelong companions. Contrary to popular belief, the length of time you’ve known someone does not automatically ensure the quality of your friendship.

Below are some signs that indicate a positive, healthy friendship:

  1. Your friend makes time for you, even with a busy schedule.
  2. Your friend accepts you for who you are and avoids being judgmental.
  3. They don’t intentionally hurt your feelings or make you feel inferior.
  4. A good friend is respectful, loyal, and kind.
  5. You genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
  6. You lift each other up and offer encouragement.
  7. A good friend is honest and provides constructive criticism when necessary.
  8. They remain by your side through life’s troubles, offering comfort and help.
  9. Friendship allows personal space and growth; neither person is obsessively dependent on the other.

Life events, such as changing careers or moving to a new city, can sometimes alter the dynamics of a friendship. However, if your friend becomes more of a negative influence than a positive support, you might start wondering if it’s time to end the relationship.

Understanding the Differences Between Conflict and Toxicity

It’s important to distinguish normal disagreements from truly toxic behavior. Friends may argue or annoy each other at times, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is toxic.

  • Conflict: Occasional disagreements or misunderstandings that can often be resolved through open communication and compromise.
  • Toxicity: Persistent patterns of manipulation, disrespect, and emotional harm that drain your energy and well-being.

If you notice a continuous cycle of negativity, it might indicate that the relationship has become toxic rather than just challenging.

What Are Toxic People Like?

Toxic individuals exist in all walks of life. Understanding how to identify them can save you from prolonged emotional damage. Remember, not everyone who is irritating or has a strong personality is necessarily toxic.

Below are hallmark signs of a toxic friend:

  • Constant Negativity: They often appear anxious, angry, or depressed, creating a stressful atmosphere.
  • Manipulative Behavior: They may try to control your choices, such as dictating what you wear or eat.
  • Boundaries Ignored: They ridicule or disrespect the personal limits you set.
  • Blame-Shifting: They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and often point fingers at you or others.

Why Are There Toxic People?
Toxic behavior usually stems from deep emotional wounds or unresolved issues. They might have low self-esteem and feel the need to put others down to feel better about themselves. Sometimes, jealousy drives them to resent what you have.

Expert Opinion: The American Psychological Association (APA) notes that individuals displaying toxic traits may have underlying mental health challenges, such as certain personality disorders. However, this doesn’t excuse their behavior—it merely offers context.

Toxic Family Relationships

Family disputes are normal, but there’s a difference between typical disagreements and ongoing toxic behavior. Cutting off a family member is often more complicated than ending a friendship. However, if a family relationship is profoundly harmful to your mental health, creating distance might be necessary.

Signs of a toxic family relationship include:

  • You avoid spending time with them.
  • Conversations frequently escalate into fights or arguments.
  • They blatantly disregard your personal boundaries, beliefs, or emotional needs.
  • They behave in an abusive manner.

How Do You End a Toxic Friendship?

Ending a toxic relationship can be mentally and emotionally exhausting, but prioritizing your well-being is crucial. Below are some steps to help you end a toxic friendship respectfully:

1. Define the Relationship

Communication is key. Explain how you’ve been feeling in the relationship and state why you need to move on. There’s no need to drag out the drama. Avoid the illusion that you can “fix” a toxic friend; real change has to come from within them.

2. Prepare for the Conversation

Mentally brace yourself for how your friend might respond. They could become defensive or shift blame. Consider writing down your main points and practicing what you’ll say. This helps you stay focused and prevents you from getting lost in emotional arguments.

3. Go Straight to the Point

Be direct yet compassionate. The goal is not to attack but to communicate that the relationship is no longer healthy. Stand firm in your decision, and avoid being swayed by manipulation or guilt tactics.

4. Set Boundaries

Clearly outline what you’re comfortable with moving forward. A critical boundary is often “no further contact,” whether through calls, texts, or social media. If you share mutual friends, inform them of the situation so they understand the new limitations.

What Happens When You Cut Off a Toxic Friend?

Unfortunately, many toxic individuals deny their role in the relationship’s deterioration. Some might spread rumors or lash out. Setting personal goals and staying focused on positive outlets—such as hobbies, supportive social circles, or professional counseling—can help you move on faster.

Remember: Rumors will eventually fade, and the people who truly know you will not be swayed by false stories. Focus on protecting your mental health and seek out environments that uplift you.

Can You Fix a Toxic Person?

While toxic behavior may stem from mental health issues like bipolar disorder or narcissistic personality disorder, you cannot singlehandedly “fix” someone. Real transformation requires professional intervention, such as therapy or psychiatric support, and a personal commitment from the individual to change.

  • Your Role: It’s not your duty to diagnose or heal toxic friends or family members. You can encourage them to seek help but ultimately must protect your own mental health.

You Deserve to Have Better Friends

Throughout life, friendships evolve. The bonds you had as a child might not survive adulthood, and that’s okay. Some connections fade, while new ones flourish.

Key Takeaways:

  • A friend who brings positivity and growth into your life is invaluable.
  • Recognize the signs of toxicity, and don’t be afraid to set firm boundaries.
  • Seek support and prioritize your mental health during and after the decision to cut ties.

Kentucky Counseling Center has a team of counselors that can help you move on from your toxic relationships. With their support, you will be able to form healthy relationships in the future.

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