Sex is a beautiful way to express your love and affection to someone you love. However, sometimes, having sexual desires can be a problem too. For example, having an affair causes a lot of pain. Partners who cheated would usually say that they “didn’t mean it” or that “the sex didn’t mean anything”. Sex is a normal part of human nature, but uncontrolled sexual desires can put you in situations you never wanted to be in. Sexual desires need to be controlled. If not, it will cause dysfunction in your relationships and mental health.

This article will give you tips on how you can manage your compulsive sexual behavior. Read along and learn ways to control these sexual impulses and where you can ask for help when you can’t. Sexual urges can be a problem when it starts affecting your relationships and your behaviors.

Understanding Your Sex Drive

Libido is a simplified term for the desire to perform sexual activity. The difference between humans and animals when it comes to sex and libido, is that animals do such to procreate, while sex can be for reproduction or as a pleasurable activity for humans.

There is no such thing as “normal levels” of sex drive. Some couples feel like having sex every day. Some couples would have it once a week. Some couples think having sex multiple times a day is normal. How often you have sex with your partner depends on the agreement between you or if you’re engaging in polyamory, all of you. If your partner agrees to have sex anytime and both get satisfied, your libido levels are normal.

While ‘normal’ is a label that’s different in all kinds of sexual relationships, having high libido can become a problem when sexual desires feel out of control. Sexual desires are out of control when they become compulsions.

It’s vital to take note of the factors affecting your libido so you can gauge if it’s managed or spiraling out of control. Here are some factors that affect your libido levels:

  • Level of fatigue
  • Having a history of sexual abuse
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Estrogen and testosterone levels
  • Abuse of drugs and alcohol
  • Religious mandates
  • Quality of relationship

Compulsive Sexual Behavior

This behavior may commonly escalate to what’s known as sex addiction. When you don’t try to manage your sexual compulsions, it will affect your way of life and be considered as sex addiction. It is a hypersexuality disorder with an excessive preoccupation with sexual thoughts and fantasies. The sexual urge becomes a major unwanted focus in life that negatively impacts your mental health.

Sex addiction is a psychiatric disorder that has negative results on the patient’s psychological and physical aspects. Clinical treatments for these kinds of psychological disorders are not yet formalized, and they aren’t directly listed under DSM 5. However, medical centers are already built to cater to patients suffering from such disorders.

A major characteristic of this disorder is the repetitive sexual act despite adverse consequences. These activities are self-destructive to a point where they already neglect health, personal care, and intimacy with their spouse.

Do you know someone you consider a sex addict? Here are some signs that they may be struggling with a high sex drive:

  • Unable to achieve sexual satisfaction. No matter how often they have sex or masturbate, they seem incapable of lowering their sexual energy. They feel like they are unable to get the amount of sex they desire.
  • They can’t stop sexual activity.  Whether they are watching porn or having sex with a stranger, they can’t stop doing it even if it has already affected their social relationships.
  • They do “it” all the time. They started sacrificing their work, sleep, and social relationships for sex. But always feel empty and unsatisfied after having sex.
  • They are using sex as an escape from life. These people always find reasons to justify their sexual compulsions. They even sneak around and lie to people who care about them.

How to Control Sexual Desire: Ways to Control Your Sexual Urges

A married man or woman with uncontrolled sexual urges tends to give in and book a sex worker to gain feelings of relief and fulfillment. The consequences of these unhealthy desires may lead to infidelity, adultery, or abuse.

High sex drives only become a problem when you start ditching work or cheating on a partner for it. In other words, when these unwanted sexual feelings are not restrained, it could destroy relationships and families. Here are ways on how you can control them.

Identify The Things That Trigger Sexual Urges

In order to avoid tempting situations, you must first identify things that trigger your sexual desires. It may be prompted by sexual fantasies and imaginations in which your physical body reacts by being aroused.

Remain alert and take time to do a self-assessment. Know the environment or the time of the day where you usually start thinking about sex. Try to determine if there is a pattern in your behavior and break it by changing your lifestyle. Finding a new hobby could also help you focus on something rather than indulging yourself with your sexual thoughts.

Knowing is the First Line of Defense

Some easily give in to their sexual urges and would easily find release through masturbation. This is ok, but not if you are in the middle of a meeting or during working hours.

Be sure to know the first thing to do when erotic thoughts and feelings arise. What should be done? Interrupt the surge of sexual imaginations. You can do that by distracting yourself by any means necessary.

Have a list of what you will gain from not giving in to temptations and stick to them. Know how to channel your sexual energy into something creative and spiritual.

Avoid Watching Porn

Nowadays, this billion-dollar industry has become more difficult to ignore. Viewing porn has become socially acceptable and accessible through the web. However, exposure to these sexual sites can trigger urges for masturbation.

Some researches also found out the porn can influence one’s perspective regarding women and the dynamics when it comes to having sex.

Try to use filters on your laptops or cellphones to block these kinds of contents. Though you can easily unblock them, the time it takes to do so can help you regain control over your impulses.

Abstain From Drugs and Alcohol

Sexual activity under the influence of alcohol and other substances are linked to higher risk of sexual behavior. You are losing your inhibitions when your drunk or high could also include losing your sexual control.

The link between sex addiction and substance abuse is a co-occurring disorder. They work hand in hand. Sexual addiction with the influence of a substance can progress to criminal behaviors such as rape and sexual assault.

Stop yourself from going places or attending parties that you know might become problematic. Control your drinks and know your alcohol tolerance.

Talk To Others Who Can Help

Being aware of your body and knowing that you have a high sex drive is nothing to feel bad about. It is normal if the female or the male partners have a higher libido than the other. Your sexual relationships with your partner are not over yet. You could always talk to a psychosexual and relationship therapist to help you sort things out.

See A Sex Therapist. Professional help is the answer to your concerns regarding sexual health. They will help you understand your sexual feelings and how to control them. You can talk to them about those unwanted sexual desires that you can’t stop thinking about it.

cute lgbtq couple

Is Having a High Sex Drive a Problem?

Having a high libido is not a problem if your urges are ruling you. An increase in sexual desire is usually experienced by young people going through hormonal surges. When older, having a high libido can be a symptom of a medical illness or a side effect of medication you take.

Studies show that higher libido levels are usually found in men than in women. This male versus female myth is a common stereotype when we talk about sex drive. However, research proves that heterosexual women are often more interested in sex than their male counterparts.

Having higher sex drives are normal. We should not feel embarrassed about it. There are no metric ways to measure the sex drive. Only you can tell if your libido is higher than your partner’s sexual desire or hornier than you were before.

Having a higher sex drive could be a good sign that you’re getting good sex! That’s why your body craves more. It could also mean having lower stress levels and being capable of giving yourself a break and enjoying pleasurable sexual feelings.

Sexual impulses may fluctuate over the years. It is most of the time linked to distress and relationship issues. Some cases of lower libido are caused by overfamiliarity with your partner and your relationship. It could also be caused by unresolved arguments and frequent conflict with your spouse that you lose the drive for sex.

Here are few ways to help you pump up that libido:

  • Stop or Swap Your Current Medications. Medicines like birth control pills, antidepressants, and beta-blockers have side effects of lowering sex drive. Have your meds medically reviewed by your doctor and ask for alternatives for these medications.
  • Eat Food That Increases Libido. There are foods that are naturally made by nature to help you with your sex drives. Raw oysters and chocolates are known as edible aphrodisiacs. These are some of the food that could amp up sexual competence and are considered as mood boosters for sex.
  • Boost Up Your Sex Confidence. Established intimate relationships can result in higher sexual confidence. Sex is undeniably an enjoyable activity between two consenting adults. Being a part of an intimate relationship means that both parties are satisfied sexually that they want to stay in it.
  • Take Time Relax. Stress can destroy your sex life! Give yourself time and meditate to relieve yourself from everything that crowds your mind. If you are distracted or under a lot of pressure, it can decrease sexual urges. It also affects your sexual behaviors. Sex would not be that pleasurable if you’re distracted.

Final Thoughts

Sexuality, including intimacy and sex, is a vital part of human nature. It can also have an impact on our overall health and well-being. It fulfills the feeling of belongingness and connection. However, these untamed feelings can interfere with daily lives and relationships.

If you feel like these sexual urges start to impact your life negatively and wish to have expert advice, You can always book an appointment with us at Kentucky Counseling Center (KCC). We have counselors at KCC who have specialized training to deal with this kind of concern.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.