Why do people seek closure after a breakup? Can seeking closure help us move on with our lives? The pain of parting with a loved one due to death or a breakup can hurt us emotionally and mentally. Getting closure can help us heal and ease those emotional pains.
How? This article will tell you how to get closure to help you move up the healing process. It will give you tips on how you can seek answers to help you understand where the relationship has failed. Finding closure will help you accept the truth and let go of the pain that has stopped you from moving on.
Why is Closure Important?
Human beings, by nature, are naturally curious. We tend to find answers to everything to keep our minds at ease. We want to know the reasons behind why things happen, and if we fail to get answers, it haunts us.
Seeking closure is the act of putting a finality to something that has ended. It could be a romantic relationship or the death of someone you love. Seeking closure will help you overcome the feelings of anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, and hurt that have been holding you back from moving forward.
Sometimes, getting answers can’t help reduce the pain that we feel emotionally, but it can give us something to start with and work on.
The intensity of emotions after a breakup or a death can be different for everyone. But we can’t ignore the fact that our minds will continue to seek answers and clarity to gain acceptance of what had happened.
Seek Closure After A Break-Up
It has been over a year, and you still haven’t moved on from your recent breakup. When you thought that you were slowly starting to move forward, your ex started dating, and you felt ruined all over again. This has been dragging you for too long. Why can’t you just move on? Get closure!
Breakups can be really painful and shattering. It can leave you broken and angry. The “moving on” process, on the other hand, is the worst. Getting over a hurtful experience can be difficult, especially if you have been together for quite some time and have a lot of memories to deal with.
Finding closure can give our brain the resolution that it needs to find peace. It is an interaction that can help you accept that the saddening experience has already ended. An act of finality indicates that you can go ahead and get on with your life.
Perhaps the reason why your feelings towards a former partner remain strong is that you still have unanswered questions at the back of your mind. This can keep you from moving forward. Finding closure seeks answers from the uncertainties that have caused you ambiguity and confusion.
Imagine that the painful ending of your relationship is a mental puzzle. When the pieces are missing or don’t fit, the overall puzzle is incomplete and will continue to bother you. Gaining closure can help you find the missing pieces and assemble the puzzle to your satisfaction. Only then, when your mind has accepted that the puzzle is complete, that you can start with the process of healing.
Seeking Closure After a Death
The death of someone close to you, like a family member, a friend, or a partner, can be devastating. Others would even say that recovering from a breakup is much easier than a death of a loved one. In a failed relationship, you could still talk to the person who has caused you pain to get closure. But you can never ask a deceased for one.
Finding your closure after death can help you start the grieving process. However, when the person who died is someone you cherish and love so much, closure can be complicated. Here are some of the ways that you can do to find closure after a death of a loved one:
Let Yourself Grieve
Losing a loved one is a stressful experience, and allowing yourself to mourn and grieve can be good for your mental health. Unfortunately, some consider crying as a sign of weakness, so they tend to suppress it. But this could also stop the healing process. Letting go of all the painful emotions and crying your heart out is the closure you need to move on.
Hold a Memorial Service
To gain closure, gathering all your friends and families together to say goodbye to someone you all loved can help everyone move on. The service doesn’t need to be grand and fancy; it just has to be meaningful. Hearing someone give a eulogy to memorialize the life of a loved one can greatly help us healthily start our healing process. In addition, funeral and memorial services allow the deceased’s family members to find support and comfort.
Help Yourself and Find Forgiveness
It would be best if you learned how to forgive yourself. Feelings of guilt and self-blame are common after a death of a loved one. Other’s called it ” the survivor’s guilt.” This is a normal part of the grieving process. Not everyone may experience it, but these feelings can prevent you from coping. Be kind to yourself and accept that that person’s death is not your fault. Once you’ve undergone the process of mourning, your emotions will adjust.
Assess Your Thoughts
Start writing a journal and jot down the thoughts and negative feelings associated with loss. It can help you release some of the pain and make sense of the situation. Writing a journal can help you process the emotions that keep you from moving forward in life. It’ll help you let go of the guilty feelings instead of denying them.
Schedule a Therapy Session
A licensed psychologist, therapist, or counselor can help you healthily process the feelings of loss. Grief therapy is designed to help you answer your questions regarding a loss of a loved one. It can help you move forward and obtain a sense of closure. Talking to a therapist can give us the feeling that we are in a safe space to talk about our suppressed emotions. They provide you with the support you need to move forward.
Read related post: The 5 Stages of Grieving: Losing A Loved One
Ways On How To Get Closure (After a Painful Event)
When you feel stuck and trying to relive a traumatic event over and over again, chances are you won’t be able to enjoy life the way you used to. Dwelling in your past relationships, unable to accept how everything had happened will not help you move forward.
Getting closure is something you need to continue your journey. No matter how painful the breakup is, you still have to go on living your life. However, there is no assurance that you will immediately recover from the pain of your past relationships. Nevertheless, it will give you a chance to have a healthier relationship in the future.
Keep A Healthy Boundary
If you keep peeling off the scab of your past relationships, you won’t be giving the wound a chance to heal. You will continue to feel hurt if you continue to stalk them through all their social media platforms.
Setting a clear boundary of future contact with your ex is the first thing you must do after a breakup. Unfortunately, it means that you have to cut the cord that gives you access to getting in touch with the person who gave you the heartache — no social media, no coffee dates, and no hope for second chances.
Though this kind of advice may not be applicable in some breakups, this may be impossible for those with familial obligations, but both parties could always talk and arrange a setup that works. As long as you know how to create a healthy boundary for your feelings, getting on with your own lives won’t be a problem.
Focus on Positivity
Learn how to focus past everything that had happened and start looking at things on a more positive note. Stop remembering the hurtful things your ex had done or said to you. Instead, look back on the happy memories that both of you have shared. Cling on the things you’ve learned about yourself that you could apply in your future relationship.
Create a mantra that can encourage you to focus on the positives. For example, you can tell yourself that “This hurtful experience has made you a stronger and a better person“.
Try A New Hobby
When your life has revolved around a person for so long that you feel lost and helpless after breaking up with that person, get a new hobby. Do something you love or haven’t tried before and get your mind off the pain. New hobbies can bring you happiness and peace of mind.
Doing something that makes you feel good is the distraction you need to get on with your life. Save yourself from your misery. Gather all the things that pain you and channel your negative thoughts into an artwork, a dance, or a painting.
Accept Everything That Had Happened
Whether with closure or not, you have to accept the reality that your relationship has ended. The pace of getting over an ex may be different for everyone. Some will only take a week or a month. Others take years before they find closure.
Recognize the breakup as a loss and stop pretending that you’re doing okay. Instead, express your emotions and cry them out if you have to. This could also be good for your mental health.
Studies and market research shows that repressing your emotions after a stressful event can increase your risk of developing mental problems like depression. By doing this, you are only prolonging the process of healing. Do not push away the feelings that disturb you; face them. You have to deal with these negative emotions first to get closure.
Be Patient With Yourself
As I’ve said before, it might take years before you find closure. So be patient with yourself and celebrate little success along the way. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace; it is a journey you can decide on.
Let yourself experience the ache and misery for a while rather than covering it up with drugs and alcohol. Substance abuse can only numb the pain for some time, but it could never help you get closure.
You can not rush the process of moving on, but you can praise yourself for waking up each day to face it. By taking it one day at a time, you will eventually get there.
Letter Of Closure
You can call it a “goodbye letter” or a “letter of closure” to write everything you feel. Write what you couldn’t say during your last conversation with your ex.
Use this letter as an instrument to take everything off your chest. But you don’t have to send it. The purpose of letter writing is to clear your thoughts and get everything out of your head. It can also be a way to release those pent-up feelings you have been pushing aside.
Appreciate The Solitude
Doing things on your own can feel empowering. Being alone is not a bad thing, especially if you’re in the middle of an emotional crisis. Trying to get along with others right after a breakup, just so to prove that you’re okay, can be mentally draining.
You are not obligated to let everyone know that you’re suffering emotionally and mentally by trying to socialize with your friends to take your mind off the matter. If you want to be alone, then so be it. Instead, take yourself out on a date, get a makeover, cut your hair and make yourself happy.
Make New Memories
After breaking up with your former relationship, gather all the things and important mementos that reminded you of them. Then, seal them away in a box and create new ones with your friends, families, and people who are dear to you.
You can not avoid those memories intruding on your thoughts after a breakup. Take a break from watching breakup or sad movies that reminds you of your situation. Instead, try to watch comedy shows that can lighten the mood or listen to upbeat music that distracts you from the negative vibes.
What Happens If You Can Not Find Closure?
Not finding closure simply means that you are still dealing with the loose ends of your relationship. Not seeing the closure you need to start healing is torture if you believe your ex-partner still holds the key to setting you free.
What if your ex-partner decided to deny you closure? How will you move on? Remember that only you are responsible for your own life. You don’t need anyone’s permission to move forward. You can always find closure on your own, and you don’t need their approval for it.
When you feel rejected and the one who did it refuse to give you an explanation as to why your relationship has ended, you might think that you won’t be able to get over it. The misery of a breakup is caused by a lost partnership and a lack of clarity as to why it happened.
Queries in our minds can only be satisfied if the situation has come full circle. We can only accept that the affair has ended if we can see it through the end. But know that there are other ways to satisfy your need for closure, and you can do it on your own.
Practice self-validation. Let go of your hatred and anger and start to take control of your life. Allow yourself to grieve for the loss and cry your heart out. Have a close friend beside you who can give support while you get closure for yourself
Therapy To Gain Closure
Professional and clinical interventions are a helpful way to deal with a breakup or a death of a loved one. Consider seeing a therapist if you think you have done everything you can to move on with your life, but your gut tells you that you’re still needing closure.
Ending a relationship therapeutically can allow you to separate from your former attachments more healthily. This can also help prepare a new relationship with renewed confidence and resilience.
Closure As a Myth
The main goal of therapy is to find an endpoint for the suffering. But some people have suffered an ambiguous loss that has left their experience open-ended. Despite the lack of information and finality, they tried to find meaning from the loss and called it closure.
Theories of closure originally started from Gestalt Psychology. Understanding how the mind receives and processes information, Gestalt believes that a person cannot move on if the past trauma is unresolved.
Some people see closure as a process that can help them overcome their negative feelings and sleep peacefully at night. But some relationship experts do not accept the concept of closure. Some would even agree that closure is just an excuse to relive the bad experience.
Takeaways
Getting closure can help you create a better mindset in facing the future with renewed confidence and resilience. Whether your own closure is a myth or not, as long as the person is gaining progress in healing, the concept of closure can also be considered effective.
If you still have problems understanding how closure can help you move forward, book an appointment with us at Kentucky Counseling Center (KCC). Each member of KCC are highly trained, professional, certified, and experienced in providing optimal mental care for Kentucky and Ohio residents. KCC also offers Online Telehealth Counseling Services via online appointments for your convenience.
