The 5 Stages of Grieving: Dealing with Death of a Loved One

Published on: April 8, 2021
Updated on: April 8, 2025
Author: Kentucky Counseling Center

The death of a loved one can unleash a torrent of emotions—shock, anger, overwhelming sadness, disbelief, and more. While everyone’s journey through grief is personal and does not always follow a standard progression, understanding the five stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross can provide a helpful roadmap. Below, we explore the theory of DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) as it applies to coping with a significant loss.

The 5 Stages of the Grieving Process

Originally introduced in the context of terminal illness, the five stages of grief can also apply to losses such as divorce, miscarriage, job loss, or learning of a terminal diagnosis. Most importantly, they’re not strict steps you must go through in order, nor does everyone experience each stage. Instead, they offer a lens to understand and normalize common responses to a profound loss.

1. Denial

Denial is often the first emotional response when confronted by the news of death. Common thoughts during this stage might include:

• “I just talked to them—this can’t be real.”
• “They’re going to walk in the door at any moment.”

This is the mind’s way of cushioning the shock, temporarily blocking out the full gravity of the event. You begin to question how life can proceed under this stark new reality.

2. Anger

Anger can surface as you grapple with the unfairness of losing someone dear. It might manifest in:

• Blaming doctors, caregivers, God, or even yourself
• Feeling frustrated, lonely, or uncertain about the future
• Experiencing emotional outbursts and heightened irritability

It’s crucial to remember that anger is a normal part of loss—your psyche is reacting to pain and seeking somewhere to direct it.

3. Bargaining

In the bargaining stage, you may find yourself thinking:

• “I’d do anything to bring them back.”
• “What if I’d just called them earlier? Would things be different?”
• “If only I had convinced them to see a different doctor…”

You look back on memories and feel guilty or regretful, wishing you could negotiate reality to reverse or lessen the loss. Although these thoughts can be overwhelming, they’re part of your mind’s attempt to regain a sense of control.

4. Depression

As denial, anger, and bargaining begin to subside, you face the reality of your loved one’s absence. In this stage:

• You might have days marked by deep sadness, tearfulness, or a loss of motivation
• Sleep and eating habits can be disrupted
• Self-isolation may become more common

Though painful, depression in grief can be a normal expression of heartbreak. Consider seeking support—family, friends, grief counseling, or a mental health professional—to avoid sinking into long-term despair.

5. Acceptance

Finally, you enter a place of acceptance. This doesn’t mean the pain disappears; rather, you acknowledge the loss and find ways to live with it. Acceptance can look like:

• Resuming daily routines with less anguish
• Finding new activities or relationships that bring a sense of renewal
• Cherishing memories without feeling overwhelmed by them

Acceptance marks a turning point: You recognize life goes on, and although you may still experience waves of sadness, you’re better equipped to move forward.

Healthy Ways to Grieve and Heal

Grieving is never a one-size-fits-all process, but there are approaches that encourage healthy emotional expression and support:

1. Seek Support
   
   • Confide in friends or family, share memories, and express your emotions.
   • Don’t hesitate to ask for help around the house or at work if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
2. Avoid Unhealthy Coping
   
   • Substance abuse or emotional eating provide short-term numbing, not lasting healing.
   • Instead, explore creative outlets (writing, painting) or join a grief support group.
3. Practice Self-Care
   
   • Ensure you’re getting proper rest, nutrition, and some physical activity (walks, yoga).
   • Moments of leisure or mindfulness break the cycle of all-consuming sadness.
4. Honor Their Memory
   
   • Create a tradition—like lighting a candle on important dates or planting a tree.
   • Reread letters, look through photos, and share stories with loved ones.
5. Consider Professional Help
   
   • Grief therapy can provide coping strategies, helping you navigate painful emotions constructively.
   • Reach out sooner rather than later if your daily life feels derailed by constant sorrow.

Conclusion

Loss is one of life’s most painful experiences. While no step-by-step process can magically erase the hurt, understanding the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—can normalize what you feel and reveal the shape grief might take.

If you’ve recently lost a loved one and feel stuck or alone, consider seeking professional support. Kentucky Counseling Center offers therapy to help you cope, whether through individual sessions or group counseling. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; rather, it’s about learning to live around the loss and eventually finding renewed meaning and happiness in life.