Fairy tales give the illusion of a ‘happy ever after’ when getting married. Reality check: all married couples experience problems and challenges. Marriage problems can strengthen the relationship of couples if they are committed to spending their lives together and starting a family.

If you’re reading this because you’re facing a marriage problem, keep reading with an open mind. Explore first what causes your problems so you can come up with solutions on how to fix them. Remember that relationship issues take two to make the marriage work. Sit down and talk with your partner, have open communication, and make the necessary compromise. 

Solutions to the Most Common Marriage Problems

For spouses wanting to make an effort to address their marriage problems, the first step is to know what the common marriage problems are. Here are some of the most common reasons why spouses fight: 

1. Money Problems

One of the most common marriage issues is fighting over money. With mortgages, car payments, school expenses, health insurance, bad spending habits, credit card debts, and daily expenses, money problems may become overwhelming to some people.

The Solution: To overcome money problems, sit down with your spouse and make a financial plan. Some couples have a ‘my money is yours, and yours is mine’ policy, while some couples set a monthly budget on how much they can contribute to the household. It’s best that you both are on the same page regarding expenses, monitor your payments, and stick to your allotted budget to avoid fights about money. 

2. Intimacy Issues

Intimacy issues may come in many forms. It may be from lack of passion, sex problems, shutting down your spouse emotionally, or lack of commitment to the relationship. When there are intimacy issues, a partner may feel unloved and unwanted, which may lead to resentment in the long run.

The Solution: A dry spell during a relationship is an issue every couple goes through, especially when the honeymoon period is over. To confront this issue, sit down and talk to your spouse.

Be open about what you feel. If you feel like you do not have enough moments to be alone to have sex and be intimate because of your busy schedule at work or with the kids, take time to go on trips to rekindle the connection. Go on date nights and vacations without the kids and explore ways to be physically comfortable with each other. 

3. Bad Habits

Married couples still have individual habits, beliefs, and behaviors that may lead to arguments. Not helping with the household chores, being insensitive about your partner’s needs, or smoking inside the house are bad habits that may cause you and your spouse to fight.

The Solution: Bad habits may be easily addressed when there is open communication and empathy between you and your spouse. If there are issues with the household chores, make a schedule and split the tasks. If you’re having an issue with your partner’s bad habit like smoking or drinking, sit down and discuss this with them.

Ask if your partner is going through a problem, as problems can make people engage in negative behaviors. Talk it out, help your spouse overcome their problem, and support them in avoiding these bad habits. Encourage your partner to lead a healthy lifestyle and help each other by exercising together. 

4. Infidelity

In the United States, 20–40% of divorce is caused by infidelity. Examples of infidelity in the marriage are cheating, one-night stands, and short-term affairs.

When your spouse cheats, do you give up easily? No one can really answer this question but you. Some people will give their partner a chance, while this may be a tipping point for others, especially when it’s recurring. But then again, this all depends on you and your spouse.

The Solution: If you and your partner are committed to fixing your marriage after the infidelity, here’s what you need to know: it takes two to tango, and it won’t be easy.

Of course, talking with your spouse is important. But if your conversations are not getting anywhere and your arguments hinder you from repairing your relationship, seek help from a licensed marriage therapist. You’re going to need a professional mediator to guide you through the process of talking about this marriage problem. 

5. Fertility Issues

Starting your own family is the goal of married couples, including having children. Unfortunately, some couples experience fertility issues, and this causes an argument. Aside from fertility issues, miscarriage or the death of a child may cause couples to fight. Sometimes, your plans on starting a family or having a baby may not go as planned.

The Solutions: Fertility issues may be addressed by seeing a doctor, resorting to in-vitro fertilization, or opting for surrogacy or adoption. Talk to your spouse about which options may work the best for you. When you and your partner are fighting over the same issue, talking to a therapist may help as well.

6. Abuse

Abuse may be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, psychological, or economic abuse, a common problem in marriage. Both men and women are affected by abuse. Your partner hitting you is physical abuse; an example of emotional abuse is through unhealthy jealousy; forced sex is sexual abuse, even between married couples. Mental abuse through jabbing insulting words is a form of abuse that leads to marriage problems.

The Solution: When there is physical and sexual abuse involved in your marriage, the first thing you need to prioritize is your safety. Get support and protect yourself from this situation. When other forms of abuse are present in your marriage, a professional therapist can help you dissect the root of the problem and explore ways to stop the abuse. 

Where to Find a Relationship Coach

If you’re having marriage problems, finding a marriage counselor is one of the best things you can do to save your marriage. Kentucky Counseling Center has a large network of mental health professionals who can help you and your partner resolve your issues. The marriage therapy offered by Kentucky Counseling Center aims to strengthen your marriage and guide you on how you and your partner can love and cherish each other, even through the hardships.