Fairy tales give the illusion of a ‘happily ever after’ when getting married. Reality check: all married couples experience problems and challenges. When two people are committed to spending their lives together and starting a family, marriage problems make the relationship stronger.
If you’re reading this because you’re facing a marriage problem, keep reading with an open mind. Explore first what causes your problems so you can come up with solutions on how to fix them. Remember that relationship issues take two to make the marriage work. Sit down and talk with your partner, have open communication, and compromise.
Common Problems in Married Couples and The Solution
For spouses to make an effort to address marriage problems, the first step is to know what are the common marriage problems. Here are the most common reason why spouses fight:
One of the most common marriage issues is when couples fight over money. With the mortgage, car payments, school expenses, health insurance, bad spending habits, credit card debts, and daily expenses, money problems may become overwhelming.
The Solution: To overcome money problems during the marriage, sit down with your spouse and make a financial plan. Some couples have ‘my money is yours, and yours is mine policy.’ While some couples set a monthly budget on how much they can contribute to the household. It’s best that you both are on the same page regarding expenses, monitor your payments, and stick to your allotted budget to avoid fights about money.
Intimacy issues may come in many forms. It may be from lack of passion, sex problems, shutting down your spouse emotionally, and lack of commitment o the relationship. When there are intimacy issues, a person may feel unloved, unwanted and may lead to resentment in the long run.
The Solution: A dry spell during a relationship is an issue every couple may go through, especially when the honeymoon period is over. To confront this issue, sit down and talk to your spouse. Be open about what you feel. If you feel like you do not have enough moment to be alone to have sex and be intimate because of our busy schedule at work or the kids, take time to go on trips to rekindle the connection. Go on date nights, go on vacation without the kids, and explore ways on how to be physically comfortable with each other.
Individual Bad Habits Causing Marriage Problems
Married couples still have individual habits, beliefs, and behavior that may lead to arguments. Bad habits like not helping with the household chores, being insensitive about your partner’s needs, or smoking inside the house are bad habits that may cause you and your spouse to fight.
The Solution: Bad habits may be easily addressed when there are open communication and empathy between you and your spouse. If there are issues with the household chores, make a schedule and split with the tasks. If you’re having an issue with a bad habit like smoking or drinking of your partner, sit down and talk with. Ask if your partner is going through a problem that’s why he/she is acting that way. Talk it out, help your spouse overcome a problem, and help your partner avoid these bad habits. Encourage your partner to lead a healthy lifestyle and help each other by exercising together.
The Infidelity of a Partner
In the United States, 20-40% of divorce is caused by infidelity. Examples of infidelity in the marriage are cheating, one-night stand, and short-term affairs. When your spouse cheats, do you give up easily? No one can really answer that question but you. Some people will give their partner a chance, while for others, this may be a stopping point, especially when it’s recurring. But then again, this all depends on you and your spouse.
The Solution: If you and your partner are committed to fixing your marriage after the infidelity, here’s what you need to know: it takes two to tango, and it won’t be easy. Of course, talking with your spouse is important. But if your conversations are not getting anywhere and your arguments hinder you from repairing your relationship, seek help from a licensed marriage therapist. You’re going to need a professional mediator to guide you through the process of talking about this marriage problem.
Starting your own family is the goal of married couples, and this includes having children. Unfortunately, some couples experience fertility issues, and this causes an argument. Aside from fertility issues, miscarriage or the death of a child may cause couples to fight. Sometimes, your plans on starting a family or having a baby may not go as planned.
The Solutions: Fertility issues may be addressed by seeing a doctor, resort to in-vitro fertilization, opt for surrogacy or adoption. Talk to your spouse about which options may work the best for you. When you and your partner are fighting over the same issue, talking to a therapist may help as well.
Abuse may be physical, mental, emotional, sexual, psychological, or economic abuse, a common problem in marriage. Both men and women are affected by abuse. Your partner hitting you is physical abuse; an example of emotional abuse is through unhealthy jealousy; forced sex is sexual abuse even between married couples. Mental abuse through jabbing insulting words is a form of abuse that leads to marriage problems.
How to Deal with Abuse: When there is physical and sexual abuse involved in your marriage, the first thing you need to prioritize is your safety. Get support and protect yourself from this situation. When there are other forms of abuse present in your marriage, a professional therapist can help you dissect the root of the problem and explore ways to stop the abuse.
Where to Find a Relationship Coach?
When you’re having marriage problems, finding a marriage therapist is your first instinct. Kentucky Counseling Center has a large network of mental health professionals that can help. The marriage therapy of Kentucky Counseling Center is aimed to target and strengthen your marriage not to have that happily ever after fantasy, but on how you and your partner can love and cherish each other, even through the hardships.