How to Spot a Person With Low Emotional Quotient

Published on: October 29, 2021
Updated on: October 29, 2025
Author: Kentucky Counseling Center

Emotional intelligence—or emotional quotient (EQ)—is often overlooked in conversations about personal and professional success. While IQ measures cognitive abilities like reasoning and problem-solving, EQ determines how effectively you manage emotions, empathize with others, and navigate social situations. A person with a high EQ can gracefully handle conflict, motivate themselves and others, and maintain healthy relationships. But what about someone with a low EQ?

In this article, we’ll discuss how to recognize the traits of low emotional intelligence, explore why some people struggle with EQ, and provide practical suggestions for improving emotional awareness.

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined as an individual’s ability to:

• Recognize emotions (in themselves and others)
• Regulate these emotions in a healthy manner
• Motivate themselves and others
• Empathize with others’ feelings
• Build positive social relationships

Developing these five core elements—self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills—helps a person thrive personally, academically, and professionally. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), emotional intelligence can greatly influence decision-making, mental health, and success in various life domains.

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

People who struggle with emotional intelligence often have difficulty understanding both their own feelings and the emotional states of others. While traits can vary from person to person, the following are common indicators of low EQ:

1. Low Self-Awareness: Highly Opinionated

• They frequently insist they’re “always right.”
• They easily get into arguments but struggle to articulate their feelings.
• They fixate on their mistakes without effectively learning from them.

2. Lack of Empathy: Insensitive Comments

• They may say inappropriate or hurtful things at the worst possible times.
• They fail to notice when people around them are hurting or grieving.
• They become defensive or angry if someone points out their insensitivity.

3. Lack of Accountability: Constantly Blaming Others

• They often start conflicts but refuse to acknowledge their role in the problem.
• They claim they’re “misunderstood,” rather than taking responsibility.
• They deflect blame onto anyone but themselves if things go wrong.

4. Poor Coping Skills: Low Motivation

• They avoid emotional situations at all costs, bottling up internal stress.
• They struggle to express or even identify what they’re feeling.
• They may appear lethargic or unmotivated, particularly in challenging times.

5. Low Self-Regulation: Unpredictable Emotional Outbursts

• They have trouble controlling anger or frustration, leading to frequent arguments.
• They can be “set off” by trivial triggers, staying upset for hours.
• They show minimal insight into why they react so intensely.

6. Poor Social Skills: Relationship Difficulties

• They have few (if any) close friends or confidants.
• They struggle to establish rapport in group settings or at work.
• They may not see the importance of emotional support in relationships.

7. Self-Centeredness: Narcissistic Tendencies

• They frequently monopolize conversations, steering every topic back to themselves.
• They subtly (or overtly) compare their achievements to yours, always claiming superiority.
• They downplay others’ successes while exaggerating their own.

What Affects a Person’s Low EQ?

Several factors can contribute to a lower emotional quotient, from early childhood experiences to underlying health issues. Understanding these influences is the first step toward positive change.

1. Parenting Style and Child-Rearing Practices

• Children learn emotional management from parents and caregivers.
• Overly strict or controlling parents (especially those who use physical punishment) may fail to model healthy emotional expression.
• Parents with low EQ themselves often pass on similar traits to their children.

2. Mental Health Issues

• Conditions like depression, social anxiety, and borderline personality disorder can compromise emotion regulation.
• Social anxiety can cause intense fear of judgment, making healthy emotional expression difficult.
• Substance abuse—whether drugs or alcohol—alters brain chemistry, making it harder to manage emotions and impulses.

3. Alexithymia

• This condition involves difficulty identifying and describing emotions.
• It may stem from past trauma, brain injuries, or stroke.
• Individuals with alexithymia often struggle to form emotional connections with others.

FAQs About Low EQ

1. Do Narcissists Have Low EQ?

Current research does not conclusively prove that all narcissists have low emotional intelligence. Some studies indicate that narcissists overestimate their EQ, believing they’re more empathetic or emotionally savvy than they truly are.

2. Does Low Emotional Intelligence Mean High IQ?

Evidence suggests no direct inverse relationship between EQ and IQ. In fact, peer-reviewed studies indicate that basic cognitive intelligence can support emotional understanding. However, the full relationship between EQ and IQ remains complex and context-dependent.

3. Can High Emotional Intelligence Be Achieved?

Yes. EQ is dynamic and can be improved through deliberate practice, therapy, and self-reflection. If you recognize signs of low EQ in yourself or others, remember that growth is possible.

Management of a Low Emotional Quotient

Working to improve your EQ starts with recognizing your own emotions. If you can name what you’re feeling, you’re one step closer to effectively managing impulses and fostering healthier relationships. Here are strategies to get started:

• Self-Monitoring: Keep a journal of your emotions. Write down what you feel, why you think you feel it, and possible triggers.
• Mindful Pausing: When confronted with conflict or stress, take a moment to pause. Breathe deeply and allow time to process your feelings before reacting.
• Feedback-Seeking: Ask friends or family for honest input about your emotional responses. External perspectives can reveal habits you may not notice.

If you’re struggling with identifying and expressing emotions, the journey to a higher EQ may feel daunting at first. Avoid undue pressure; slow and steady efforts can produce significant, lasting changes.

Mental Health and Therapy

Persistent low EQ can complicate personal and professional relationships. It may also contribute to mental health problems—such as anxiety and depression—because you’re continually pushing down or avoiding emotional experiences. Seeking professional help is a proactive way to address these challenges. Sometimes, the solution can be as simple as getting an emotional support animal to alleviate stress and anxiety.  

Helping Others With Low EQ

Individuals with high emotional intelligence can serve as positive influences and role models. Whether you’re a friend, family member, or colleague, your empathetic approach could make a genuine difference:

1. Offer Constructive Feedback: Rather than criticizing, provide gentle suggestions on how to handle challenging emotions.
2. Encourage Self-Reflection: Help them explore their emotional triggers and consider healthier ways to respond.
3. Support, Don’t Enable: While emotional support is beneficial, avoid excusing harmful behaviors. Setting boundaries can be crucial for both your well-being and theirs.

Some Tips on How You Can Handle People With Low EQ

• Accept Individuality
  
  • Recognize that everyone’s emotional development and capacity differ. Accepting their limitations—while encouraging growth—can prevent frustration on both sides.
• Be a Listening Ear
  
  • Offer your time and empathy. Gently guide them toward self-awareness, helping them label and process their feelings.
• Use Logic Over Emotions
  
  • If they struggle with emotional conversations, frame your approach in factual or solution-oriented terms. This can reduce defensiveness and open the door to calmer dialogue.

Be Aware of Your Own Emotions

Having low emotional intelligence doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It’s a skill gap—one that can be bridged with the right support and practice. Whether you’re working on yourself or supporting someone else, remember:

• Self-Compassion: Practice patience as you grow.
• Consistency: Small daily habits can build emotional resilience over time.
• Professional Help: Therapy can offer tools to enhance emotional intelligence and overall well-being.

If you’re ready to take concrete steps toward improving your EQ, Kentucky Counseling Center (KCC) can connect you with a compassionate therapist who will guide you in managing your emotions and enriching your relationships. Growth is possible, and with steady effort, you can achieve a healthier emotional landscape for yourself and those around you.