How to Help a Loved One With Their Severe Mental Illness

Updated on: October 27, 2024
Published on: October 27, 2020
Author: Kentucky Counseling Center

It may feel overwhelming to learn that someone you love has been diagnosed with a mental illness. Unlike more common physical ailments—where you might bring over soup or recommend bed rest—mental health conditions can raise difficult questions, uncertainties, and emotional challenges. You want to offer support and be there for them, but you might be wondering: Where do I start?

Below, we explore practical steps you can take to provide meaningful help, along with important reminders about taking care of yourself in the process.

1. Where to Begin

Friends and family play a significant role in the lives of those with mental illness. Studies show that a strong support system—whether it consists of parents, siblings, partners, children, coworkers, or neighbors—can positively impact mental health outcomes. Regardless of the size of your loved one’s social circle, your empathy and willingness to help can make a big difference.

Making a Note of Changes

Often, friends and family notice when something is “off” before anyone else. Early help or intervention can be crucial. Keep an eye out for notable shifts in behavior, such as:

• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed hobbies
• Sadness or anger for no clear reason
• Emotional numbness or lack of enjoyment in day-to-day life
• Changes in eating habits (e.g., overeating or loss of appetite)
• Disrupted sleep patterns (sleeping too much or too little)
• Frequent complaints of feeling unwell without a clear medical cause
• Skipping work or school more than usual
• Increased substance use (alcohol or drugs) as a coping mechanism
• Hearing voices or having unsettling thoughts
• Anxiety or terror about ordinary situations or objects
• Suicidal ideation or talking about harming themselves
• Avoiding family and friends

These signs don’t necessarily guarantee a mental illness diagnosis, but they can signal that help is needed.

2. Validation and Empathy Are Key

One of the hardest yet most essential ways to support a loved one with mental illness is by validating their experiences—even when it feels challenging for you. Mental illness can manifest as feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, or isolation, which may strain relationships. However, showing empathy can help bridge the gap and encourage them to open up about what they’re going through.

Example of Validation:
“I’m not sure how to make things better, but I’m really sorry you’re hurting. That sounds overwhelming.”

Example of Invalidating Response:
“I know it’s tough, but other people have it worse. Try to look on the bright side.”

The first example offers genuine support without dismissing their feelings. The second example may unintentionally minimize their experience, making them feel more alone.

3. Don’t Take Symptoms Personally

Mental illness often has symptoms that can appear as personal slights when they’re really not. For instance, your loved one might:

• Seem fatigued and unmotivated, leading to withdrawn behavior
• Snap or become agitated over minor inconveniences due to anxiety or depression
• Struggle with concentration, resulting in forgetfulness about plans or conversations

Much like a fever is a symptom of the flu, these behaviors are symptoms of their mental illness—not a reflection of your relationship. Recognizing this can help you remain patient and understanding, instead of feeling offended or hurt.

4. There’s No Timetable for Mental Illness

Unlike many physical health conditions that come with clear treatment plans and predictable recovery times, mental illnesses often ebb and flow over extended periods—sometimes years. This means:

• Improvement may be slow and happen in small steps.
• Setbacks can and do occur, requiring renewed patience and compassion.
• Long-term support from loved ones can be crucial for sustaining progress.

It’s natural to feel frustrated or worried when you don’t see immediate improvements. However, staying consistent with your support can help your loved one feel safer and more motivated to stick with treatment.

5. Finding the Right Help

A. Advocacy and Early Support

Being an advocate for your loved one doesn’t mean you have to “fix” their illness, but you can help reduce barriers to care:

• Encourage Professional Help: Suggest they see a mental health professional (e.g., counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist).
• Assist With Logistics: Offer to help them research counseling options, make phone calls, or schedule appointments.
• Accompany Them: If they feel comfortable, go with them to initial appointments. This can ease the anxiety of trying something new.

Note: In severe situations, hospitalization or more intensive interventions may be necessary. If you ever fear for their immediate safety—or the safety of others—take action by contacting emergency services or calling a crisis hotline.

B. Supporting Their Choices

If your loved one prefers to handle appointments or research on their own, respect that autonomy. Still, it’s helpful to periodically check in to see if they need anything, whether it’s a ride to therapy or a listening ear after a tough session.

6. Remember to Take Care of Yourself

Helping someone navigate mental illness takes time, patience, and emotional energy. One of the best ways to support your loved one is by prioritizing your own well-being:

• Practice Self-Care: Maintain a healthy routine with adequate sleep, balanced meals, and regular exercise.
• Set Boundaries: Recognize your own limits. It’s okay to say you need time or space to recharge.
• Seek Your Own Support: Consider counseling or joining a support group for caregivers. Sharing experiences with others who understand can reduce isolation and stress.

Related: Check out our 5 Things to Try in the Morning to Start the Day Off Right for simple ways to begin your day with positivity and energy.”

Final Thoughts

Loving and caring for someone with severe mental illness can be both challenging and rewarding. While you can’t cure them or solve every problem they face, your empathy, patience, and understanding can make a world of difference.

1. Take note of changes and encourage professional help early.
2. Validate their feelings—avoid dismissing or minimizing.
3. Don’t personalize their symptoms—mental illness involves complex emotional and behavioral patterns.
4. Remember there’s no set timetable for mental health recovery.
5. Advocate for their care and offer practical support with appointments or logistics.
6. Take care of yourself to stay strong and better able to support your loved one.

You’re not alone in this journey. Countless individuals provide support to family members, partners, friends, and colleagues facing mental health challenges. With patience, empathy, and the right resources, you can help your loved one navigate the complexities of severe mental illness—while ensuring you also maintain your own well-being.